NP

Age: 30-64

Occupation: College Professor

NP’s mother played a large role in her hair journey, and she plays a large role in her daughters’ hair journey.

When NP was a child, her mother did a good job taking care of her and her sister’s hair. She always placed emphasis on making sure it looked “neat” or “done,” usually in ponytails. Their babysitter also loved to style hair, and she would cornrow their hair or press it and curl it. NP learned how to press hair after watching her babysitter do it, so she used to have fun straightening her friends’ hair.

When she was twelve years old and her parents were at work one day, NP’s babysitter decided to relax her hair without telling her mother, which upset her mother very much. From that point, she continued to relax it because she did not want to cut it out. Her hair was relaxed from age twelve until age forty, when scalp problems led her to cut the relaxer out.

Today, NP has two daughters whose hair she likes to experiment with — made easier by the fact that they live far from their extended families. NP’s mother has a very specific idea of how her daughters’ hair should look, and they try to match this expectation when they see her.

Even still, NP says, “I probably have a lot of my mother in me with my approach to [my daughters’ hair]. I spend a lot of time on their hair.”

NP was firm in ensuring she did not allow her daughters to relax their hair. As adults, they may choose to do so, but it is not allowed while they are and were children. However, as NP has shown them many ways to style their natural hair, they do not seem to want relaxers.

NP discussed that this decision was partially motivated by her observation that Black children (and Black people in general) receive many inappropriate comments about their hair. She finds most disappointing that many of these unsolicited comments come from Black women.

“We’re hardest on each other about our hair,” she said.

NP remembered older generations telling children, “your hair is nappy,” or on the other hand, “she has nice hair; she doesn’t need a relaxer.” She also remembered her younger daughter receiving comments from a little girl who told her she needed to lay down her edges, and another girl who told her that her silk scarf made her look like Harriet Tubman. NP points out that this is not the same as prejudice from white people, which could lead to serious repercussions (e.g. workplace discrimination), but she still urges Black women to improve the ways they accept other Black women’s hair.

“There’s too much attention we pay to each other’s hair, and not enough acceptance and giving people freedom to do whatever they want with their hair,” NP said.

As a mother, NP does her best to make sure her daughters feel comfortable in their hair.